fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
