why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
