He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
