One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I AM VODKA MAN
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
