I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
