How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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