Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
