Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
