she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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