She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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