my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
