My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
