her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
