You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize