sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
