are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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