everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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