Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
