This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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