shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
