well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
