Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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