2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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