imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
