So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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