I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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