My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
