I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
