I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
