two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
