she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize