the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
