this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
