Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
