when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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