Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize