My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
