I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just had sex bonerless
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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