No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
