I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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