they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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