I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
