I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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