I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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