I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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