Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
