Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
