You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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