I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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