sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He has the fingertips of a God
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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