He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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