He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
