she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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