Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
COCAINE IS GR8
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
