Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
