dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
