If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
