You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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