my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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