Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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