Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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