There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
