I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
