I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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