I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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