I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
