I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize