It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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