R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
