Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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