he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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