Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
