Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
