I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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