she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
