even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize