she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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