I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
