Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
