i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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