This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
