Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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